I'm Not Fucking Around

StockSnap_5M97W2GSFW.jpg

I'm not fucking around. 

It's my new mantra. I say it to myself at least a dozen times a day. Usually, I say it when I feel lazy, want to put off a tough decision, or basically any time I'm thinking like a victim (which is all of the above). Now when I start to fidget with my victim bracelet, I say to myself with firm resolve, "I'm not fucking around."

For whatever reason, this mantra just sticks with me. Maybe it's the cussing. Maybe it's because when I say it, I kinda feel like an action hero in a movie. You know, in one of those pinnacle scenes where something epic happens, the villain says something sassy, and then the camera pans to slowly the heroine for her to say, "This time, I'm not fucking around." Then she pulls a pin out of a grenade with her teeth and saves the day.

It sticks in my brain and rolls off my tongue. I take it seriously. Unlike other more passive mantras I've tried in the past like, "Balance" or "Breathe" or any other number of things you'd read on the side of an off brand tampon box, this one spurs in action in me. This one works. It works across most scenarios I encounter. 

What would someone who isn't fucking around do in this scenario I've encountered or the task I need to complete? They definitely wouldn't be a victim. They would definitely do the thing that needs to be done no matter how scary it might be. They'd say the uncomfortable thing with compassion. They'd take the matter at hand seriously because, say it with me, they're not fucking around. 

I'm not fucking around with my relationships, my marriage, my businesses, my money, my time, my attention, my workouts, my sleep, my fun, my politics, my charity, or anything in my life. 

It's an easy litmus test for people who come into my life, too. Are they fucking around? Yeah, they are.  Well, I'm not fucking around, so it's probably best if I mosey towards other people who also aren't fucking around. So we can not fuck around together. 

Alarm goes off in the morning, but bed feels extra cozy. Hmm, maybe I could snooze for a little bit longer. First thought that comes into my head, "I thought you weren't fucking around." Woah, good call. I'm not fucking around, so I'd better get up and start my day. 

I'm not fucking around about not fucking around.